


That Winter when You're Broken (and i don't know what to feel)

by Nyaw



Series: 4 Seasons [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 13:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12749568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyaw/pseuds/Nyaw
Summary: because sometimes, the saddest smile is the most attractive things you can see.





	That Winter when You're Broken (and i don't know what to feel)

**Summer**

He’s so pretty with that sad face of his.

That’s my first impression of the new face in this boring workplace. I don’t even know what’s his name nor which division will he work on. But the pretty man’s sad expression lingers in my head and triggers my curiosity. Why would someone that pretty frown? Why didn’t he seem happy? Why were his eyes screamed lonely?

“Shua, you still need to recalculate the monthly budget for the rest of this year!! Don’t daydream yet it’s still early!!” I heard Jihoon screamed from the distance. Seems like my supervisor is not in a good mood today, maybe he has a fight with his boyfriend yesterday. I turned my head to take a last glance at him, but he’s gone already. I hope I can see him again sometime soon.

 ---------- 

God is on my side, that pretty boy is working at financial division just like I do. Well he’s a part timer but we still work at the same division so it’s something I could live with. His sad feature is still there, mesmerizingly, but it’s covered with his smile and enthusiasm when he introduced himself. He’s pretty when he looked sad, but I bet he’s ethereal when he’s smiling whole-heartedly. I hope I can see that kind of face soon.

His unique appearance turned him as the center of attention since his first day. No one in the office doesn’t know about the ‘new charming part timer in this boring office’, which let me know him before he even know there’s someone like me existed in this same office as him.

I learnt that his name is Jeonghan, he’s a 95-liner just like me but since he’s born in October he’s still my hyung, his date of birth is 4th of October which earns him the nickname “Cheonsa” or angel (which fits him perfectly in my opinion) and he got a boyfriend already. I don’t know why but I feel something weird inside my heart when I found out about that last fact. Maybe I’m just tired from these extra works.

  
  


**Fall**

I’m glad we can get closer after all, and I’ve learnt that you do can smile happily too. Whenever we speak about what you and Cheol, your boyfriend, talk about on your last chat, call or Skype session, your face lights up and I can’t let my eyes off from that mesmerizing smile. From your story he seems so caring and lovely, and he fits you like 2 piece of puzzle that belongs together.

That one lucky time I caught you Skype-ing in the office lets you introduce me to him. He’s an amazing guy, just like your story. Since then we talked about you quite a lot without you knowing. It’s so sweet that he always asks about you every time we talk. He must love you a lot. I can understand why, you have the prettiest smile on earth.

These last 3 weeks feels weird though, you smiled less and less with each passing day. Cheol also didn’t contact me at all, usually he’ll ask about you at least once a week. You didn’t even smile as bright when I asked you about Cheol, maybe you two are in a fight? Or he is too busy at his place? It doesn’t feel right for me to ask so I keep quiet and wonder by myself. I want to text Cheol, maybe he can cheer you up, but I’ve never text him first and my introvert side prevents me from doing so. I just hope I can see that angelic smile again soon.

 ---------- 

I’m not the best at cheering people so I asked my friends for some tips, Soonyoung said to give some jokes so you can laugh, and his boyfriend Jihoon, told me to just take you to a party to let loose. They teased me about having a crush, but how can that happen when you already have a boyfriend that you’re totally in love with? My friends are really silly sometimes.

I tried to find some jokes, (which my friends pointed that my sense of humor sucks, unlike my appearance) and thankfully you laugh a little every time I tell it to you. It’s not that wide smile I’m used to, but I’ll take what I can have. It feels even better because I know I’m the sole reason behind that smile. Is that a wrong thing to feel? I don’t know and I don’t think I want to know. 

With each laugh I get more encouraged, until I’m brave enough to ask you to join my friends’ outing, or just hanging out by the two of us. As long as we can spend some time together and you’re laughing, I’ll do everything I can do. Some of our acquaintances said that you get a little bit more touchy with me, but I don’t feel bothered by it, in fact I kind of like it? And since you said you’re like this to all of your friends, I’ll keep quiet and enjoy the privilege of being your friend.

  
  


**Winter**

“J-Ji-Jisoo… I-I can’t handle this anymore… Ha-Help me…”

That one phone call come like thunderbolt in the middle of a sunny day. I didn’t even wait for your explanation and bolted to my car. You explained what happened bit by bit while I’m driving. All I can understand is you broke up with Cheol, and you didn’t seem okay at all. 

I drove at the fastest speed I’ve ever been. I’m known to be the most boring and safe driver in our group, but I feel like I need to be there soon and calm you down. I want to be by your side soon. We might only know each other for a short time only, but I feel like there’s a connection between us. I’m hurt hearing your broken voice through the phone call, imagining you in your most fragile state since I know you.

 ---------- 

Right after I arrived, I rushed to your room. Lucky me your spare key is still hidden at the same place. My imagination was right, you’re completely wrecked. Your eyes are wet with tears, God knows how long have you been crying. Reflectively, I went and hugged you. I’m not the best with words, so I just sat there with you, patting your head, soothing your back. I let you pour your heart content until you’re satisfied.

3 hours passed and finally you stopped crying and fell asleep. I stayed by your side that night, too afraid to leave you alone. You look so weak today, like a fragile flower petals, so weak yet so beautiful. There’s no trace of your usual wittiness nor savage side. It’s just the pitiful Yoon Jeonghan. I promised myself, this will be the last time you be like this, you’ll never be this devastated anymore as long as I stayed by your side. I’ll do everything and anything I can to keep your smile and chase your tears away.

This might not be the best time to realize this, but  
I love you.

 ---------- 

My friend and I have decided to drag you out of your house every day, or at least twice a week. Sometime we just went for a drive around the town, a lunch, or shopping, whatever could take you out of that tiny room and sad mind. We force you to take pictures, jokes around, all to see your smile again. Them, and me, we all love your smile and we hope to see it again soon.

Days turned to weeks and you’re loosening up. You can joke with us a little now, and you’ve started to use your instagram again. You never said anything, but I know you’re hurt when you see Cheol’s update, and choose to avoid using it after all that’s happening. I took this as something good, but apparently his friends don’t share my opinion. Their comments are harsh, and it makes you sad again since you were friend with them too before.  
I just hope this won’t make you too depressed and devastated again. I tried my best to be there for you as much as I can to cheer you up, to take your mind away from those comments. I want to see that smile, I want you to smile for me.

  
  


**Spring**

Season changes, but my heart stay the same. It screams your name and jumped at your smile. Sadly yours stay too. I know you still daydream about Cheol up until now. No wonder though, 6 years is a long time to be in love with someone, even worse since you broke up while you actually still love him. Despite that you accepted me as your boyfriend when I slipped up and told you those three words. You said that would help you to move on faster, I want to object but I’d love to have the chance to be your boyfriend. I stay silent, and just try to enjoy it while it lasts.

I have expected that your friends will blow up at me seeing how they treated you previously. What I didn’t expect is that you’ll take my side and defended me fro them. Can’t you see that all this things only meant that Cheol still loves you? Why won’t you believe us and try to contact him? Yes I’ll be sad that I will break up with you after you fix everything with him, but your smile when you’re with him is my favorite thing to see. I hope you’ll realize this soon.

 ---------- 

Spring is finally ending, and you finally tell me that you still love him and can’t erase him from your heart. I know it all this time and I’m happy that you finally accepted it. I hugged you and kissed your cheek one last time, I congratulated you for it. If only you would accept my suggestion and talk to him it’ll actually be perfect. He still loves you, even I could see that.

I stayed beside you even after our break up. There was some awkward tension at first, but we’re back to friends in no time. Up until now I don’t know if you talked to Cheol or not, but since I didn’t see any interaction between you and him, I assumed you two hasn’t talked yet. I want to talk to him and tell him that you’re single and you still love him, but I feel like that’s not my place to. 

I’ve promised myself since the first time I know you. I’ll be there as a spectator of your adventure, of your effort to forget your pain and feeling. I’ll be there as your guardian, that will do whatever I can to protect you from anything that could harm you. I’ll be there as your friend, your friend who loves you, now and forever.

  
  


**Spring**

It’s been a month since Cheol’s wedding, and it’s been 6 month since we’re engaged, and I still can’t believe we’re going to get married tomorrow. I had witnessed you in all those relationships through all 3 years after ours, and I saw how you break down in each and every because you can’t love any of them the same way they love you. 

After 1 year without any relationship, you’re opening your heart to me again, and finally this time you’re the one professing your love. You said all those relationships, all those time you spent alone, would be way worse without me by your side. Now it’s time for you to fight for me, as the opposite of what has been happening since the day my eyes land on your pretty face.

 ---------- 

It’s never easy. This past 5 years is full of drama and tears. We met, became friends, lovers, even exes. We laugh, love, cry, fight, and felt many other emotions. But even after all of those, at the end of the day, I go to bed and think about you. Your smile, your tears, your face, your heart, and most importantly, your happiness. Cause even if your sad face was the one that took my breath away, your happy smile beats any pretty things existed.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm done with this  
> (for now)
> 
>  
> 
> ((....idk))


End file.
